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smackenzie: (jensen)
[personal profile] smackenzie
this is nc-17, just so you know. :D

Jensen hadn’t told anyone but Chris and Danneel about his interest in (and desire for) Jared, but somehow word seemed to have gotten around. By now everyone knew he was no longer seeing Matt, but how they’d figured out that he was trying to put the moves on someone else, he couldn’t guess, and he wasn’t going to ask.

He had to pick a weekend to make his move, though, because on the off-chance it worked and Jared was actually interested in him, he wanted the guy to be able to stay over. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was going to do, or when, or how far exactly he wanted to push it on the first try, but he did want to make sure there would be enough time for them to play around, if Jared was into it. And he wanted to do it at his place, so Jared could leave if he freaked out.

Jensen was trying very hard not to think about what would happen if Jared freaked out.

He felt as if all he’d done the past couple of weeks was talk to Jared and think about Jared and plan what he was going to do with (and to) Jared. He’d been trying not to come on too hard – he didn’t think he had to worry about it, but you never knew, sometimes a person could get caught up in the moment, and in fact he’d gotten so caught up in riding Jared’s motorcycle that when they stopped for a break, he’d really, really wanted to kiss Jared breathless. That was why he’d gone home as soon as they got back to Jared’s house. He wasn’t ready to show his hand.

Oklahoma Ford had gotten some time at a studio – they were trying to record some more material in advance of what Chris hoped would be a late-summer, early-autumn tour, although the chances of them having an album’s worth of good songs they could press into a CD by then were slim – they’d booked time late at night because it was cheaper and the studio was available, and Jensen called Jared to ask if he wanted to come over that night to hang out and play Madden, and maybe Jensen would play Jared some of his songs. Jared said sure, sounded fun, he’d bring the beer, it was kind of Jensen’s turn to show off his house anyway.

Jared did not get lost. Jensen said nothing when Jared found the place on time.

“Ok, you probably don’t necessarily need a GPS,” Jared said, when Jensen opened the door. “Googlemaps got me here just fine.” He held up his phone. “God bless smartphones.”

“Well, come in,” Jensen said. “Welcome to my humble abode.” He gestured to the living room and the kitchen. “Bathroom’s there, bedrooms back there, it’s pretty simple.” It was smaller than Jared’s place, but Jared had a house.

“I got beer,” Jared held up a six-pack of Lone Star. “Texas beer for good ol’ Texas boys.”

“You can come over any time.” Jensen took it into the kitchen and unloaded the bottles into the fridge. “You’re probably hungry, let me guess.”

Jared grinned. “Bottomless pit, that’s me.”

“Unlike some people, I have, uh, ok, I have leftovers. Chris loves to cook more than two people can eat in a sitting.”

“That probably depends on the two people.”

“Good point. Let’s just say he loves to cook more than he and I can eat in a sitting.”

So they ate – Jensen had bought pork chops, because he liked them and they were easy – and had a beer and talked about this and that, and Jensen explained about the band’s potential tour and what was involved in making songs good enough to put up for download, never mind all the things that went into pressing a CD, and even though he thought he might be boring Jared, Jared seemed interested. Well, it wasn’t much different from Jared going on about cars or something, and Jensen listening.

They had another beer and Jared decided he wasn’t into videogames, maybe they could watch a movie or didn’t Jensen say he’d play Jared some of his songs? And Jensen said yeah, he could do that, and he sat at one end of the couch while Jared sat at the other, and he tuned his guitar and thought about what he could play.

Halfway through the first song he realized how very intimate this was, or could be – singing and playing a song for someone he wanted. He’d written a song for Michael, early enough in their relationship that Jensen still thought they were in love, and even though he no longer liked the association, it was still a good song and if he’d gotten Jared here to put the moves on him, it wouldn’t be the worst thing to play.

And after that was a song he’d written about Austin, a city he’d really liked, and one about Jessica, his first girlfriend, although it was vague enough that he didn’t feel weird playing it, and that was four songs and he stopped to drink something and wet his throat, and Jared was just looking at him.

“Good? Bad?” Jensen asked.

“Good,” Jared said. “Really good. I was just thinking. Your whole face changes when you sing – I couldn’t tell when I went to your open mike night, but it’s really obvious sitting right here. It’s like, I don’t know, like you’re somewhere else. You’re not sitting in your living room singing to me, you’re somewhere else. In your own head, I don’t know. You’re really into it.”

“It’s interesting that you can see it. When I get really involved in whatever I’m playing, I feel like it’s just working through me, like I’m just a conduit for the song. So maybe I’m not really here. I can’t think too hard about where I am and who’s in my audience, or I can’t do it. I used to get really bad stage fright.”

“I’ve seen you in front of a bunch of people! You’d never know.”

“Yeah, I was younger. I kind of learned. It’s still easier for me if I know someone in the audience – a room full of strangers still makes me a little nervous. I feel like I have to make a good first impression.”

“So singing for me shouldn’t be anything.” Jared grinned.

It’s everything, Jensen wanted to say. “Should I keep going?” he asked instead.

“Yeah. Play something else. I like it. I don’t listen to a lot of music that’s just guitar. It’s good stuff.”

So Jensen played something else, a song he’d written with Chris back in the day – an oldie but goodie, considering the rest of his repertoire wasn’t that old – and then he had to stop because it felt too intimate for him to continue without doing something else.

Something like leaning over and planting a kiss on Jared’s lips.

He put his guitar down, scooted over, and did just that.

It wasn’t a long or deep kiss, nor was it intended to be, but Jared did not instantly pull away. And when Jensen sat back to get a read on Jared’s reaction, Jared only looked a little confused.

“Sorry,” Jensen said, almost reflexively.

“No, it’s... it’s ok,” Jared said. “I think.”

Jensen leaned in and kissed him again, and this time Jared seemed to at least start to kiss back. This also wasn’t a long kiss – things were going ok so far but Jensen still didn’t want to push it.

“I can stop,” he said.

“Don’t.” Jared’s voice was very quiet, but that was definitely encouragement.

And the third time, Jared did kiss back, and when Jensen lifted his hand to cup the side of Jared’s face, Jared rested his hand on Jensen’s thigh.

They stayed that way for a little while, just kissing, testing each other out, Jared’s lips parting for Jensen’s tongue, Jensen wanting desperately to push harder but holding back. He knew he wasn’t the first guy Jared had ever kissed, but he also knew what had happened to the first guy, and he didn’t want to be Milo. He didn’t want Jared to freak out at kissing a friend, and run.

But Jared was not freaking out. In fact, Jared seemed to be enjoying it. So Jensen did push it, deepening the kiss, holding Jared’s face with both hands now, and he wasn’t sure but he thought Jared moaned softly into his mouth. They finally pulled apart, breathless.

“Jensen,” Jared said, making it sound almost like a question.


“I’m. Um.”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t.”

“So tell me.”

Jared kissed him instead. Or maybe that was his answer.

Jensen shifted as close as he could, wanting to do more than just kiss, or wanting to kiss more than Jared’s mouth, but still a little afraid of what the next step might be. He was prepared, just in case, but now that he was in the moment, he wished he knew how Jared would react, what Jared would want, so he knew for sure what he should do next.

And in the meantime, Jared’s mouth was eager on his and Jared’s hand was gripping his thigh and Jensen wished that hand would move up his leg, just a little bit, move up and inside to squeeze his cock because he was getting hard. He couldn’t ask but oh, how he wanted to.

He found himself pushing against Jared, his own hand falling from Jared’s face to his shoulder and then his arm, and just as Jensen was wondering what Jared would do if Jensen pulled him down the length of the couch and sprawled on top of him, Jared pushed him away.


“What are we doing?” Jared asked, his voice a little shaky.

“We’re kissing.”

“What’s next?”

I rip off your clothes and fuck you into the floor. “What do you want to do?”

Jared pushed Jensen off him just enough so he could sit up straight. They’d been sliding down the couch without either of them really realizing it. “When Milo and I... he blew me. And I... I just jerked him off.” Jensen felt himself flush with arousal – those two images, substituting himself for Milo, were too hot to ignore. “What else – “

“I want to fuck you,” Jensen whispered. “I have for weeks.”

Jared blinked. Licked his lips. Didn’t seem to know how to react.

“I don’t want to wig you out,” Jensen went on. “We don’t have to. I like kissing you, and I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest you like kissing me, but I know – I know. Whatever you want. It’s ok.”

“I don’t know what I want.”

“Do you trust me?” Jared nodded. “Tell me when to stop, and I’ll stop. I promise. And if you don’t tell me to stop, I’ll just keep going, as far as I want. Ok?”


Jensen stroked the side of his face. Jared closed his eyes. Jensen leaned in and kissed him again, almost gently this time, intending to keep going but wanting to start slow, now that it felt as if they were starting over.

So they kissed some more, Jensen pushing Jared into the corner of the couch almost unconsciously, until he couldn’t think of anything else to do but slide a hand between the two of them and cup Jared’s cock through his jeans. He squeezed. Jared moaned.

“Tell me to stop,” Jensen murmured, sliding down and half off the couch to give himself better access to Jared’s fly. He wasn’t sure if he was asking Jared or just reminding him, but it didn’t matter because Jared’s breath hitched but he didn’t say a word.

Jensen got Jared’s fly open and pulled out his cock. Jared was hard, his cock practically springing into Jensen’s hand, and when Jensen looked up, Jared was staring at him – eyes wide, pupils blown, lips parted. His chest heaved. He nodded, almost imperceptibly, breathed out a word that sounded like “Yes”, and Jensen lowered his head and went to town.

He sucked strongly, looking up every so often to see Jared’s face, listening to Jared’s breathing and his bitten-off groans, noting that Jared had both arms flung over the couch and was gripping the cushions. But he was watching Jensen, arousal and surprise on his face, and he caught Jensen off-guard when he came.

Jensen licked and sucked gently until Jared relaxed, and then climbed back on the couch, settled between Jared’s legs, and kissed his mouth.

“Jesus,” Jared murmured, still breathless.

“I had to,” Jensen replied. “Now it’s your turn.” He leaned back, pulling Jared with him until they were lying across the couch in the other direction, Jensen mostly on the bottom and Jared mostly leaning over him. Jensen guided Jared’s hand to his fly and Jared fumbled with the zipper, finally freeing Jensen’s cock, wrapping his long fingers around it, and stroking. He was a little tentative at first, but quickly figured out Jensen liked it harder and so tightened his grip and stroked faster until Jensen groaned and came over his hand.

It was messy and the way they were sprawled on the couch was awkward, but they’d gotten this far and Jared was still here, still apparently enjoying it, so Jensen could get cramps in both legs and his shoulders could knot up and he wouldn’t care.

“Come here,” he said, reaching for Jared, and Jared obediently ducked his head and let Jensen lick his way into his mouth. In half an hour, maybe, Jensen knew he’d want more, but for now this was fine. “Stay the night,” he murmured.

But then Jared pushed himself up and said “I can’t, I have to go home. The dogs – “


“I always let them out before bed and first thing in the morning. I have to feed them. I can’t stay.” He sat up in enough of a hurry that he lost his balance and fell off the couch. Under other circumstances Jensen might have laughed.

“Jared. Calm down.” He was disappointed – how could he not be? – but he didn’t think this was just a ploy for Jared to get away and not have to do anything else. “Call Jeff and ask him to do it.”

“It’s too late now. Do you... want to come home with me? For tonight?”

“You mean stay over?”

“Yeah. We could, uh, we could continue in the morning? Maybe?”

“You don’t want to stop?” Jensen couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face.

“Kind of? I mean, I don’t think I’m ready to, to fuck you, but I like the other stuff. I like kissing you.” He grinned and now Jensen blushed, but hopefully just a little. “I’m not freaking out. Much. So come home with me. Maybe it’ll be ok.”

“Let me clean up a little and get my toothbrush.” Jensen hauled himself off the couch and went into the bathroom to wash off and fetch his toothbrush, and then into his bedroom to change his pants and get the condoms and lube he’d stashed in his bedside table just in case.

“I should follow you,” he told Jared, “so you don’t have to bring me home in the morning.”

“I’ll bring you back, don’t worry about it. I don’t want you to get lost going to my house.”

Jensen wanted to argue – he hadn’t gotten lost when Jared was sick and he brought over the juice – but it wasn’t worth it. So Jared drove them back to his house, where he let the dogs out and back in and then sucked down a giant glass of water and told Jensen he was really tired, he was going to bed, Jensen should join him.

On the one hand, it was a little weird sleeping next to someone he hadn’t had sex with yet, but on the other, this was one of the things Jensen wanted, and he had a reasonably good suspicion there was sex in his near future, and he absolutely was not going to complain.

He was unsurprised when he woke up first, but he was a little surprised to note that Jared was lying half on top of him, snoring into the back of his neck, and what felt like Jared’s half-hard erection was poking into Jensen’s hip.


He wriggled around to face Jared and stared at him until Jared’s eyes opened.

“Hey,” he mumbled.

“Hey,” Jensen said. “Pleasant dreams?”

“Yeah, actually, I think I dreamed about you.” He rubbed his eyes. “What time is it? Did you let the dogs out?”

As if that had conjured them, Harley and then Sadie thundered into the room and jumped on the bed. Jensen squeaked in an incredibly embarrassing manner but Jared just laughed.

“Get off, get off,” he said, shoving at Harley’s shoulder as the big dog tried to lick his face. “Sadie, you too!” Sadie was trying to wriggle between the boys, determined enough that she was actually wedging between them.

“Go take care of them,” Jensen said. “I’ll be here when you get back.”

After Jared coaxed the dogs off the bed and out of the room, he got up to pee but then got right back into bed. He was thinking about how to approach sex with Jared when Jared came back and shut the door.

“I don’t think they need to hear us,” he said, crawling under the covers.

“Oh?” Jensen quirked an eyebrow.

“Yeah.” He scooted close to Jensen and licked at his lips. Jensen’s mouth opened to Jared’s tongue and his fingers reached for Jared’s skin and when he rolled over on top of Jared, Jared didn’t protest.

Jared wrapped a leg around Jensen’s hip as they pushed against each other, Jared’s hands roaming down Jensen’s back to cup his ass and was he even paying attention to what he was doing? Jensen wasn’t sure but he also didn’t care.

Jensen had pulled off his t-shirt but Jared was still wearing the clothes he’d slept in, and Jensen had to stop kissing him to yank at his shirt, and had to roll half off him to tug on his boxers. Jared wriggled out of his shorts, reminded Jensen “It’s ok, it’s ok”, and pulled at his boxer briefs as well.

So they were both naked, Jared flat on his back, Jensen splayed on top of him, hips rubbing together, their kisses hard and deep and hungry, hands traveling restlessly over each other,

“I want to fuck you so badly,” Jensen murmured. “Can you feel how badly?” He ground down against Jared’s groin. Jared groaned. “Are you ready? Do you want it?”

“You,” Jared panted. “I think.”

“You think?” Jensen lifted his head. Jared nodded.

“Yeah. No. I want you.”

“Jared....” Jensen grabbed Jared’s head with both hands and kissed him deeply, full of gratitude and desire. Jared wrapped both legs around Jensen’s waist and rocked up against him.

“Don’t stop,” he said, grinning.

“Don’t worry.” Jensen rolled over, reaching for the condoms and lube that he’d put on the bedside table, then rolled back to settle between Jared’s thighs. Jared watched as Jensen squirted lube on his fingers, as he lifted Jared’s hips, as he slid one finger inside Jared’s ass. Jared sucked in a breath.

“Tell me if it gets too weird,” Jensen said, adding another finger to slick Jared up and stretch him out and get him used to the sensation.

“Too late,” Jared panted.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No. no, keep going.”

Jensen thought he could read nervousness on Jared’s face, so he leaned up and brushed a kiss over his lips. “It’ll be ok,” he murmured. “It gets better. I promise.”

“I trust you.”

So Jensen pulled his hand away, knelt between Jared’s legs, pumped his cock a couple of times, and rolled the condom on. He watched Jared watch his hands. He tried to catch his breath and calm himself down - he’d never been anyone’s first before. And even though he’d wanted this, and hoped for it, now that he had it he was a little nervous about the ways he could screw it up.

But he’d have to worry about it later. Now he needed to concentrate. He lifted Jared’s hips and slowly pushed inside Jared’s body.

“Unh,” Jared groaned, his back arching slightly. His fingers clenched in the bedsheets. “Jensen....”

“Are you ready?” Jensen asked. Jared nodded. “Are you sure?” Jared nodded again. “Good.” Jared smiled. And Jensen started to move.

Jared groaned as Jensen thrust in and out, pulling all the way out before slowly pushing all the way back in. The noises he made and the expressions on his face were incredibly hot, and Jensen had to make a conscious effort to hold back. He just wanted to let go and slam into Jared’s body, fucking him hard enough to shake the mattress off the bed. But there would be time for that later, hopefully time enough for lots of things, and for now he thought he should take it slowly.

So he listened to his own heavy breathing, his own grunts and moans, and he watched Jared’s flushed face, his eyes gone dark, his chest heaving, his lips parted as he gasped and groaned. He was amazingly hot like this, and a bigger turn-on than Jensen imagined.

“Jared,” he moaned, “Jared....”

Jared reached for him, fingers brushing over Jensen’s face before sliding down his chest as if Jared had no control over his own limbs.

“Give me your hand,” Jensen said, panting, grabbing Jared’s hand and guiding it to his straining cock. Jared took the hint, pulling strongly but not for very long before he shot over his fingers with a surprised, strangled groan.

He stared at Jensen, clearly unprepared for that, and now Jensen quickened his pace, thrusting faster and deeper, fucking Jared harder, while Jared tried to catch his breath and watched him.

And then it was Jensen’s turn to groan at his own climax and fall forward onto Jared’s chest.

“Are you ok?” he asked, when he could breathe again,

“Yeah,” Jared said, his voice a little hoarse. “I’m ok. How’re you?” He grinned.

“I’m good.” Happy. Satisfied. Relieved. Hopeful. And kind of hungry.

“You know what I want?”

“To go again?”

Jared chuckled. “Perv. No. Pancakes,” he said, at the same time Jensen said “IHOP”. They both laughed.

“Breakfast,” Jared went on. “I’m really hungry.” As if on cue, his stomach rumbled. “You wanna grab a quick shower? Then we’ll go eat and I can take you home. Or we can do something else.”

“Like each other?” Now Jensen grinned, although he was pretty sure he had an afternoon shift at the coffeeshop. He should call the place and find out.

“Maybe. We’ll scare the dogs.”

“You sure you’re not going to panic?”

“Not now, no. I’m ok.” He sounded a little surprised. “But I don’t want to talk about it. I want pancakes and sausage and grits and a giant cup of coffee.”

“That works for me.” Jensen kissed Jared quickly – it had to be quickly because otherwise they’d never make it out of bed – got up, and went into the bathroom to flush the condom and pee. He felt weird taking a shower in Jared’s house, so he just splashed water on his face and combed his fingers through his hair and brushed his teeth, and then he let Jared shower while he got dressed and talked to the dogs, and then when Jared was ready they both got on his Harley and rode out to find breakfast.

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