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[personal profile] smackenzie
The thing Jared didn't think he'd gotten across about Milo, because he wasn't entirely comfortable discussing the details in public, wasn't just that he wigged because he'd gotten (kind of) busy with a guy, but that he wigged because he'd gotten (kind of) busy with a purely platonic friend. It would be as if he and Katie hooked up. (Although if that happened, she'd probably stop teasing him about Jensen.)

And to be honest, he'd wigged partly because he wasn't expecting to like it.

But it was water under the bridge now, and Jared didn't generally worry about how this past relationship would affect any of his future relationships. He personally didn't think it was important to tell Jensen, but Sandy did, and sometimes it was really hard to argue with her.

And now that he'd mentioned Milo to someone else, and that someone else had taken it in stride, Jared started turning it over in his head. Not what he'd done or how he'd reacted at the time, but how he might react now, and if it meant anything. He half wished Misha hadn't left town to traipse around the globe, because this seemed like the kind of thing Misha would understand and be able to talk to Jared about. They'd met in the first place when Jared took a class on historical attitudes towards sex and marriage that Misha taught through MTSU. Jared thought it would be more of a history class but it turned out to be more about sociology and cultural studies, but it was still really interesting and it got the two of them to be friends. It didn't hurt that Misha was tremendously easy to talk to and incredibly non-judgemental. But it also didn't help when he was halfway across the world right when Jared was starting to think he could maybe possibly a little bit perhaps be attracted to another guy, for longer than a quick fumble in someone's room.

Maybe. Just a bit.

It wouldn't be the first time, but the few times Jared had felt more-than-platonic interest in another guy, he'd brushed it off as kind of a guycrush, or rampant hormones, or just some random hiccup in his brain. But getting to know Jensen, and talking to him, and spending time with him - especially after Jensen mentioned that it hadn't worked out with the guy he'd been seeing - stirred up something from the depths of Jared's memory and made him look at himself a little closer, and made him wonder if he really was a little bisexual - if you could be a little bit bi - and had just never acknowledged it.

He didn't think he was, but what did he know? So he did some research. He was only twenty-four - he was young enough to still be flexible about who and what he wanted, and who and what he liked. He wasn't entirely uncomfortable with the idea that he maybe wasn't totally straight, but he wasn't completely comfortable with it either. It wasn't who he was, or how he saw himself. He didn't know how his friends or his family would take it, if he were to say "Hey, I have something to tell you, I'm bi".

Well, he knew Katie wouldn't mind. Beth wouldn't either. Beth thought he had a crush on Jensen, anyway. He didn't think Jim would care, which meant he doubted it would have any affect on his job, and his dogs would love him even if he decided he liked being spanked by older women who wanted him to call them Mommy.

And in the meantime, he and Jensen would be friends and do stuff together and email each other silly shit and Jensen would get lost the first time he got Jared to invite him over to the house to see his motorcycles and meet his dogs.

words: 647
total words: 30,383


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